2008-07-09 - FROM A HANDICAPPER THAT'S REAL SINCERE

Can do, can do, this guy says the Hulk can do...

Sorry to break out into Damon Runyon on you, but I'm still so jazzed how about how much better THE INCREDIBLE HULK was than I had any right to expect, and since I had so much fun handicapping the odds for what villains might show up in the next IRON MAN movie, I can't resist the urge to do it again with Ol' Greenskin. So who can we expect to see in future HULK movies? Let's meet the horses in the race, shall we?

Villain: The Leader

Pros: Even more so than the Abomination, the Leader has always held the top-dog position as Hulk's numero-uno antagonist. His super-intelligence makes for a great counterpoint against the Hulk's strength, and as we've noted in these pages in the past. You can't go wrong with a guy with a giant head.

Cons: You're not gonna get much of a fight scene with the Leader, so you're gonna need a lot of secondary villains to keep things interesting.

The Verdict: Done deal. We've already seem the Leader's alter ego on screen in Tim Blake Nelson's "Samuel Sterns," and even saw his noggin already get infected with Gamma goodness and begin to swell. The Leader is a lock. 100%.

Villain: The Absorbing Man

Pros: Visually, he looks really cool and special effects these days are finally at a point it could be done and look realistic. Also one of the few folks who can realistically go toe-to-toe with the Hulk.

Cons: You'd have to completely throw out the origin and think of something new, as "Magic powers granted by Thor's half-brother" isn't exactly cinematic gold.

The Verdict: I think it could work, but it's really "comic-booky" and there's a lot of baggage to deal with. I'd say 20%.

Villain: Doc Samson

Pros: Admittedly, he's not really a villain, but he's duked it out with the Hulk enough that he certainly can be placed in the "enemy" category. He's already established in the film series (he's that "Leonard" character who was dating Betty in case you missed it), and having the two of them both involved with Betty Ross gives a more personal dynamic that would be fun to see play out.

Cons: Doc Samson's never been the most intimidating of characters, and the poor guy has never, and I mean never had a good costume.

The Verdict: He’ll show up again, but whether or not he'll have the green hair and the lightning-bolt T-shirt is iffy. 50-50.

Villain: The U-Foes

Pros: One of the few villain teams out there, the U-Foes would give producers lots of flexibility in terms of fight sequences for the Hulk, and since he's so much stronger, it would help him seem in jeopardy to be constantly outnumbered.

Cons: These designs really wig out my eyes. They'd definitely need a makeover.

The Verdict: I could see these guys being created by the Leader as his muscle. I'll say 65%.

Villain: The Hulkbusters

Pros: This one seems like a no-brainer. Since "Thunderbolt" Ross will undoubtedly be returning for the next film, giving him a battalion of heavily armored soldiers sounds like money in the bank to me. And Hulk can always use some cannon fodder to take apart.

Cons: Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray may sue. Who you gonna call?

The Verdict: Highly probable. 80%.

Villain: The Pantheon

Pros: Lots of new characters means lots of new action figures for the toy people to merchandise, and definitely a bold new direction for the franchise.

Cons: It took Peter David over a year to introduce these guys on the comic -- there's now way they're getting it done in under 120 minutes.

The Verdict: Slim to none. 5%.

Villain: Major Glenn Talbot

Pros: Talbot's eventual marriage to Betty Ross made his obsession with destroying Bruce Banner all the more personal and bitter. Good stuff for a movie. Plus, never trust a guy with a pencil-thin mustache.

Cons: Hard to realistically have Talbot manage to marry Betty in a movie, and without that, a lot of the animosity goes out the window, and he's just another army guy chasing the Hulk, and "Thunderbolt" Ross has that covered.

The Verdict: Not all that striking visually, either, unless you let him drive around the War Wheel. 15%.

Villain: The Thing

Pros: Probably the Hulk's most frequent sparring partner over the years. Michael Chiklis is the only good thing about those awful FF movies, so just have him sent over as a favor to General Ross to help corral the Hulk.

Cons: I don't think Marvel Films has the film rights to FANTASTIC FOUR back yet, so this would likely be a nightmare to coordinate from a production standpoint.

The Verdict: Unlikely, but man, would it be cool. 2%.

Villain: The Maestro

Pros: Peter David's FUTURE IMPERFECT would make a great movie, with Hulk facing off against a future, more powerful version of himself. It's one of the best HULK stories out there, period.

Cons: It's just too entrenched in the Marvel Universe to work as a movie, with Marvel Films only just dipping their toes in the water of making their movies interconnect. The big emotional reveal of the book, the sight of Rick Jones' collection of Marvel relics, wouldn't mean enough. Maybe in a few years after they've cemented a cinematic Marvel Universe. Or better yet, as a straight-to-DVD animated feature.

The Verdict: Nope. 1%.

Villain: Wolverine

Pros: I gotta believe pitting Hugh Jackman's Wolverine against the Hulk would be a license to print money.

Cons: This would have to be after the AVENGERS movie, so Jackman might be a little past his prime by then...

The Verdict: I don't see why it wouldn't be possible. 45%.

Villain: The Toad Men

Pros: They're Toad Men -- it sells itself!

Cons: Jack Black might ask for too much dough to play the Toad Man General.

The Verdict: Okay, maybe not. 0%.

Scott Tipton still thinks a FUTURE IMPERFECT movie would rock the house. If you have questions about the Hulk or comics in general, send 'em here.

EMAIL THE AUTHOR | ARCHIVES